The Top 12 Things You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support

12> "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

11> "...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

10> "So -- what are you wearing?"

9> "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

8> "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."

7> "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

6> "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

5> "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

4> "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

3> "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

2> "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support...

1> "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.