Things you DON'T want to hear while on the operating room table

• Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
• Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop
• Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness
• Bo! Bo! Comeback with that! Bad Dog!
• Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
• Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
• Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
• Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
• Damn, there go the lights again...
• Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
• Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
• Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
• What's this doing here?
• I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
• That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
• I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
• Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
• Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean, right?
• What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!
• Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
• And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
• OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
• This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
• Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
• Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
• What do you mean "You want a divorce"?!?
• She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
• FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
• Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.