+50 / +10 * New York tenants turn on the heat * Wisconsinites plant gardens +40 / +4 * Californians shiver uncontrollably * Canadians sunbathe +35 / +2 * Italian cars don't start +32 / 0 * Distilled water freezes +30 / -1 * You can see your breath * You plan a vacation in Florida * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless * Wisconsinites eat ice cream +25 / -4 * Boston water freezes * Californians weep pitiably * Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you +20 / -7 * Cleveland water freezes * San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA * Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts +15 / -10 * You plan a vacation in Acapulco * Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you * Wisconsinites go swimming +10 / -12 * Politicians begin to talk about the homeless * Too cold to snow * You need jumper cables to get the car going 0 / -18 * New York landlords turn on the heat * Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum! -5 / -21 * You can hear your breath * You plan a vacation in Hawaii -10 / -23 * American cars don't start * Too cold to skate -15 / -26 * You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo * Miamians cease to exist * Canadians lick flagpoles -20 / -29 * Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you * Politicians actually do something about the homeless * People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens -25 / -32 * Too cold to kiss * You need jumper cables to get the driver going * Japanese cars don't start * Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training -30 / -34 * You plan a two-week hot bath * Pilsener freezes * Bock beer production begins * Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof -38 / -39 * Mercury freezes * Too cold to think * Canadians button top button -40 / -40 * Californians disappear * Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you * Wisconsinites put on sweaters -50 / -46 * Congressional hot air freezes * Alaskans close the bathroom window * Green Bay Packers practice indoors -60 / -51 * Walruses abandon Aleutians * Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season" * Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens * Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby -70 / -57 * Glaciers in Central Park * Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets * Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie -80 / -62 * Polar bears abandon Baffin Island * Rhinelander Birkebeiner * Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby -90 / -68 * Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles * Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer -100 / -73 * Santa Claus abandons North Pole * Canadians pull down earflaps -173 / -114 * Ethyl alcohol freezes * Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans -297 / -183 * Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere * Microbial life survives only on dairy products -445 / -265 * Superconductivity -452 / -269 * Helium becomes a liquid -454 / -270 * Hell freezes over -456 /-271 * Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 -458 / -272 * Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution -460 / -273 (Absolute Zero) * All atomic motion ceases * Canadians allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy.
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.