"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate."
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."
The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police."
"Are you any relation to your brother Marv."
"If you can't make the putts and can't get the man in from second on the bottom of the ninth, you're not going to win enough football games in this league, and that's the problem we had today."
"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued...Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976."
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass--and I'm just the one to do it."
"It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant."
Wish--To end all the killing in the world
Hobbies--Hunting and fishing
"He's trying to take the decision out of the hands of twelve honest men and give it to 435 Congressmen."
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history.... We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
"In the early sixties, we were strong, we were virulent..."
"At the Lincoln Park traps on Sunday...over 80 shooters took part in the program. Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe."
"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."
"The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijackiing an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector."
"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.