Ineffective Daily Affirmations:

• As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath
• I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
• I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
• I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
• In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
• Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
• My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
• I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
• I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
• Joan of Arc heard voices, too.
• I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
• I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
• As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
• When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
• The first step is to say nice things about myself.
• The second, to do nice things for myself.
• The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
• As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
• All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
• I am at one with my duality.
• Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
• I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.