From: Syed Abdul Maroof (maroos at jec321.its.rpi.edu)
CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Element:
Woman
Symbol:
Wo
Discoverer:
Adam
Quantitative Analysis:
Accepted at 36-24-36, though isotopes ranging from
25-10-25 to 60-55-60 have been identified.
Occurrence:
Found wherever Man is, but seldom in the highly
reactive, energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities
in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at
absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice.
Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated,
very bitter if not well used. Found in various states,
ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic,
but attracted to money and sports cars. In its natural
shape, the specimen varies considerably, but it is
often changed artificially so well that the change is
indiscernible except to the experienced eye.
Chemical Properties:
Has great affinity for Au, Ag and Cu, especially in the
crystalline form. May give violent reaction if left
alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly
desired reaction is initiated with reagents such as
C(2)-H(5)-OH, and sexy aftershave lotions. An essential
catalyst is often required (you must say you love her
at least five times daily). Reaction accelerates when
in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.
Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable
pure form. Yields to pressure applied at the correct
points. The reaction is highly exothermic.
Storage:
Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25
years.
Uses:
Highly ornamental. Used as a tonics for low spirits.
Used on lonely nights as a heating agent - if properly
prepared.
Tests:
Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw,
natural state. Turns green if placed beside a better
specimen.
Caution:
Most powerful reducing agent known to Man (income and
ego). Highly explosive in experienced hands. Specimen
must be used with great care if experiments are to
succeed.
NOTE:
It is illegal to possess more than one permanent
specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is
permitted.
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
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